Sarah Elizabeth Ross

Sarah Elizabeth Ross (nee Monkhouse) was born on July 31st, 1955 in a little hospital where our mother, Alice worked as a nurse in the remote village of Port Alice, BC after she came west from Ontario 'in search of adventure'. Our father, Ken was a superintendent in the mill who was divorced and was 'in search of a wife'. His first daughter, Marilyn was already married with 3 children, his son, Allan was out living on his own and his daughter Kathryn was an angelic 12 year old who cherished both of her new siblings, Susan and Sarah.

Port Alice was a safe and accommodating community where Sarah formed her earliest and happiest memories. (A friend recently wrote this description: "...it was a great place. When I was in elementary school there was no road out. The fact it was a company town meant the company ensured a lot of infrastructure to keep people happy. In the town there was a hospital, a dental office for a dentist who came to town several times a year. The main focal point was a community hall four storeys high that had a full basketball court with a balcony, it was used for badminton leagues as well. Stage for bands for concerts/dances. The community hall had a cookhouse and restaurant in basement, shoemaker, upper levels had a well-used library, rooms for guides, scouts, brownies, and cubs.In addition there was a movie theatre, tennis courts, bowling alley, store, bakery, large vegetable gardens and a golf course. People made their own fun. If anything was to happen, people had to get involved and make it happen.") The whole town participated in many fun activities. There were parades for May Day and people dressed up for every possible occasion including parades, halloween, Christmas, etc. The company provided a plot of land at Victoria Lake for families who wished to build a cottage and they also provided the lumber (those who wished could also build cottages on the ocean). It could aptly be described as an idyllic little oasis! Our Dad was the basketball coach for 'The Hornets', the manager of the golf club and he had a rototiller so we spent countless hours at the community hall, the golf club hall, up at the community gardens and up at our cabin at the lake.

Life was never particularly easy for Sarah but upon leaving the sanctuary of Port Alice and moving to Victoria when she was 13, life in general became more complex and difficult to navigate. This was in no small part due to invisible disabilities caused by FASD (there was always a great deal of socializing that involved alcohol in Port Alice - all part of 'making your own fun'). However, Sarah forged her own path and there were happy moments along the way...along with a great deal of tragedy.

The births of her daughters, Leona in 1974, Crystal in 1975 and Becky in 1976 brought her great joy. The death of Becky due to SIDS in 1977 was a devastation that Sarah never really overcame and her tumultuous marriage to the girl's father, Mike Fyfe unravelled very quickly soon after Becky's death. At that point Sarah found a little house to rent up in Cobble Hill and she and the girls moved up there. With the help of our Dad she was able to plant a garden and there were fruit trees in the yard. For a short while she and the girls returned to an almost idyllic life in a small community, preserving food from the garden and subsisting by making it last through the winter.

Then Sarah met Steve Ross who came into her life accompanied by his son, Gerrad. Through Steve, Sarah gained a new and wonderful family and she adored them all, especially his Mom, Louise and his Auntie Bernice who were descendants of the first black pioneers in Victoria, Charles and Nancy Alexander. Charles built many buildings in Victoria including the Shady Creek Church, where he was also a preacher. Sarah took a great interest in the Alexander family history and she even made a cross stitch of the Shady Creek Church. 

The day she married Steve in 1984 was one of the happiest days of her life. As a special bonus, twenty-six years ago she became a grandmother to Gerrad's daughter, Caitlin and the two of them shared many happy moments, sleep overs and swims in the pool when Caitlin was growing up.

Although Sarah and Steve's marriage eventually crumbled, Sarah was well trained (both at home and on the job) and she became a very competent housekeeper, both at the Royal Jubilee Hospital and providing private home care, so she was able to forge ahead as a single parent. She remained close to Steve's family, especially his parents as long as they were alive and she was particularly fond of her niece, Breanne and nephew, Darcy. After her own parents died she continued to cherish her relationships with her sisters, Susan (husband, Shaun and sons, Aaron and Kalen here in Victoria), Kathryn and Marilyn and their families. She was always very grateful for her family above all else (except maybe her beloved cats Misty, Marble and Ollie and her dog, Toby). She never forgot anyone's birthday (she had a very good memory) and her gifts were always very thoughtful. She often made beautiful cross stitches and she thought deeply about the appropriate design of each one depending on who the intended recipient was. She often spent more than a year carefully creating them (and taking them apart and redoing them if she wasn't satisfied) while focussing on the individuals they were being created for as the work progressed - a gift of a cross stitch from Sarah contained part of her heart and soul and a whole lot of love.

As much as Sarah loved her family and especially her two girls, Leona and Crystal, love alone didn't provide the security and stability that the girls needed and sadly Leona left home at 13 and Crystal was out on her own by 17. However, the outside world can also be harsh and tragically Leona chose to leave this earthly plane at age 44 and Crystal made the same choice at age 48.

The emotional pain of losing 3 daughters is more than any mother should have to endure but Sarah tried her best to carry on for 2 years after Crystal died. She struggled on dialysis and she always had the option to stop but was especially concerned about what would happen to her faithful cats, Ollie and Marble (thankfully at ages 13 and 15 those lucky little kitties found a good home). She had persisted through breast cancer treatment 5 years ago during Covid and she struggled with end stage kidney and liver disease both caused by an autoimmune condition called Caroli Disease.

70 years ago the longterm teratogenic effects of alcohol was not well researched but as late as last year the parallel research studies in DOHaD (developmental origins of health and disease) and FASD were compared and the overlap is clear. Maternal exposures to stress, some psychoactive drugs and alcohol, and environmental chemicals, among others, may result in functional changes in developing fetal tissues, creating a predisposition for disease in the individual as they age. Extracellular vesicles (EVs) may be mediators of both the immediate effects of exposure during development and early childhood as well as the long-term consequences of exposure that lead to increased risk and disease severity later in life.

It is clear that Sarah suffered physically, emotionally and psychologically throughout most of her life. Yes, she was a trooper, she made the most of her situation and she had many strengths as well as lifelong support from her family, the medical system and sometimes social services that enabled her to survive as long as she did but the point is that a great deal of her suffering was preventable. If one person reads this and makes a decision not to use substances (alcohol, marijuana, nicotine) during pregnancy perhaps it will mean that one future human will suffer less than Sarah did and for that we will be grateful. Sarah would agree with us sharing this information. She was an adult before she was officially diagnosed but as with many other diagnoses there was a sense of relief. She finally had an explanation for why life had always been so much more difficult for her than for others. She could let people know why she often had a difficult time with comprehension of some things while being competent in other areas and why her frustration often escalated to a point of no return (costing her dearly in terms of important relationships) although generally she was pleasant and easy to get along with. In reflection there is just so much sadness about the life and potential Sarah should have had and that she had a right to have as a human being. She would not want anybody to struggle unnecessarily the way she did so let's not let her suffering be in vain. With a little understanding, education and prevention, imagine the lives that could be enhanced and the costs to the education, social services and health care system that could be saved. Pre-natal alcohol use causes fetal abnormalities and brain damage. How many people could be kept off the streets if their brains hadn't been damaged before birth??  When balancing women's rights versus the rights of the unborn child it is fair to say that the rights of the unborn child who is helpless and who has a lifetime ahead of them must be considered first.

Sarah succumbed peacefully and willingly to liver failure on June 5, 2026. She was ready to go and expressed the hope that she would soon encounter all those who had gone before her, including our childhood pets, Tobey and Charlie. Left to mourn are her sisters Kathryn and Susan and their families, the families of Marilyn and Allan (Sarah was predeceased by both), cousins Eleanor, Marjorie and Suzanne, stepson Gerrad, grand daughter, Caitlin and her Mom, Angela, Breanne and family, Darcy and family, Tracy, Nikki and family and many friends that she made and continued to care about throughout her lifetime, especially her chosen family, Ethel (and daughter Liz) and Don Knox and Anna Artibise, an angel who came into Sarah's life ostensibly to help her clean her apartment but who also brought love and laughter into Sarah's world when she needed it most.

With such complex health problems Sarah was fortunate to have had a wonderful team of doctors over the years especially, Dr Geoff Inman (family doctor), Dr John Antonsen (nephrologist) and Dr Rohit Pai (gastroenterologist). She always said that she considered Dr Inman to be her friend and she often told Dr Antonsen that he was her 'best friend'. We wish Dr Inman and Dr Antonsen a long and enjoyable retirement.

I love you baby sister...rest in peace - you so deserve it!

We will gather as a family at a later date to remember Sarah. Please let us know if you would like to join us by emailing susanlees883@gmail.com

Do not reject a sense of rejection,

or abandon a feeling of abandonment.

Do not resist your resistance,

or run away from the urge to run away.

Do not make sadness sad by leaving it,

or enrage anger by disconnecting,

or make loneliness more lonely

by pushing it away.

Hold the broken heart

with as much love as the happy heart,

never lose the sense of being lost,

and do not doubt the presence of doubt.

Do not fear fear,

or desire the absence of desire,

or worry about worry.

(And if you do, don't worry).

All parts of you are sacred,

the light and the dark alike;

all are worthy,

deserving of unconditional love.

- Jeff Foster